Jerry's Letter RE John's Memorial

October4, 1998

Dear Mom, Brothers, and Sisters

As you requested, enclosed is a copy of the eulogy Mom put together for Dad’s funeral. Forgive me for breaking down before getting through it at either service. We at least came close the second service! Yes, I embellished and edited a few items from the original, but Mom gave me the prerogative to do so, and the accuracy has been retained. Mom, any reason you hadn’t included living in Sheffield or Oregon right after marriage or was it simply an oversight? And what about the church Dad pastored? I’m sure there were many more items that could have been included but time would not allow. Should we consider some sort of memory book of Dad? Also do one for Mom to enjoy while she’s still here to enjoy it and fill in the memory voids we might have? With e-mail, it would be fairly simple to submit and edit into a document those memories we have I might do something for myself anyway but I’d be happy to compile your memories if anyone has some Ideas about it. Let me know. Mom - I don’t know where your energy and stamina came from but the Lord Himself. Thank you for the ultimate example of love for another by caring for Dad in some most difficult circumstances. The love you showed Dad, and all of us, is beyond our verbalization or comprehension except in our understanding of Christian love. Many times I’ve wondered if 1 could care for my spouse in that setting or if I would be as good a patient under the circumstances Dad was in. I don’t always like the answers to my own questions.
Willa & Wilma ~ You did great organizing the food and flowers and all the other details the rest of us will never know about. Thanks for making yourselves and families available the past months as help was needed in so many forms. In many ways I’m somewhat envious of your access to the folks and each other but realize that’s not where God put me but rather where He put you. We should make the most of what we have and where we have it. Thanks to your spouses, too, for allowing you to be available to help. Love your kiddos!
Rebo - It was great seeing and talking with you and your growing family, great they all sacrificed the time and effort to come. Dad would be smiling about that! You have a great bunch! I love ‘em all, even the Papa-bear!
Timald - Your decision to go to Valpo Sunday morning of Dad’s death was possibly, in retrospect, one of the most meaningful decisions of your life. Whatyou experienced those few hours will be etched in your brain and mind’s eye the rest of your life. Experiences many of us can only wonder about, maybe not even conceive of. I count it such a blessing to have, like you, been able to spend a few hours with Mom and Dad, just days before Dad went to heaven. How I wish I could have been there to see him go! There were two specific incidents that I thought would have been truly perfect for Dad to breath his last and be greeted by the Lord. I know God’s timing is perfect and mine isn’t, but these were near- perfect! The first was Wednesday evening, September 23 when Harlan and Evelyn Steffen came to talk with us. Wilma, Willa & Mike, Mom, Steffens, and I talked about some basic funeral arrangements and ultimately struggled with the question of whether Dad was capable of deciding about a next transfusion, should that decision need tohe made. We wanted Harlan to let Dad know that it would really be OK with all of us if he decided to stop the transfusions, that he should not be holding back for our sakes. Mom asked if Harlan and I would go talk with Dad about it Harlan is so good at these things Dad responded to Harlan’s questions about assurance of his salvation, about what heaven would be like, how he’s looking forward to heaven, how his family loves him and how it really is OK with the family if God calls him home. Dad was with us through the conversation, slow in speech but fully aware of it. Finally, Harlan asked Dad if he wanted to pray before we left his room. Dad, like several times I observed earlier, would begin to pray and get to about the middle of a sentence and drift off momentarily Harlan continued the prayer, a beautiful prayer of thanksgiving and praise to the Lord for Dad’s life and testimony As Harlan closed, Dad also said ‘Amen’ and was still The angels and Dad were ready to go, how perfect an ending, but the Lord had more for Dad and for us yet to come. The second incident was Thursday late morning. Harlan, the evening before, had mentioned Dad’s interest in what heaven was like. I had read aloud to Dad Revelation 21 and 22, “And I saw a new heaven and a new earth. ..“ and his eyes kept focused on mine throughout the reading. He asked what amethyst looked like, responded positively to my comments “Won’t that be great?”, “Can you imagine?”, and “I’m ready, aren’t you?” so I know his mind wasstill with me. After we prayed together, he asked if I would get Mom. She and Peg were finishing lunch. Mom came in, leaned over his bed, “Yes, John?” and Dad began to tell Mom how he loved her but hadn’t always verbalized it very well. His sentences had long pauses as he looked at her but were complete and from his heart. Mom verbally expressed her love to Dad in like manner. After another short pause of looking at each other, Dad puckered his weak lips, they kissed, and hugged as Mom leaned over the bed. What a moment, what an expression of love verbally and nonverbally. Lord, take Dad home! After a moment, Mom kissed his forehead, Dad’s eyes were closed, and the angels were ready again to take him home. But He had still more for Dad to do. Those were moments of blessing for me, but I know both Wilma and Willa, Tim, Ed & Sharon, Mom, and others had their own moments with Dad after I did that were equally precious to them before Dad’s work was done. Each of our memories live on, through the funeral and burial, even beyond, whether family member or acquaintance, to shape us into who and what we are. Really, our testimony, our witness, our memory is never gone. John - I’m glad you and the boys could come. We didn’t have much time to talk but I don’t think much verbalization was needed. Your eyes and expressions told your thoughts pretty clearly. Dad’s prayers for all his kids were quite specific as I heard and participated in those prayers numerous times, whether in person or on the phone with Dad. God answers prayers in His way and time, and certainly not always as we humanly wish, but they do get answered and Dad now rests peacefully in that assurance. God will guide us as we allow Him to, but allows us to wander if we so choose. After all, He is our Heavenly Father. I hope to meet your wife and family someday. The principles for a Godly marriage are pretty clearly spelled out in the Bible and well worth following. ]=Q~A - I don’t know how or what to say, other than I am so sorry you were unable to attend. I only know for me, the void, the vacuum created by not participating in these services for Dad could never really be filled in any other way. Be thankful for a loving, forgiving, merciful God who gives grace to His own but also be mindful of God as Judge. May His will be done in all our lives. Again, we all make choices along the way and reap the outcomes. To all of you, thanks for the memories of the past several weeks. We share a common blood source and that makes us a genetic family. Beyond that, “family” is ‘what we choose to make of it. Do you know the song, “I’m so glad I’m a part of the family of God, I’ve been washed in the fountain, cleansed by His blood, joint heirs with Jesus as we travel this world, I’m a part of the family, the family of God.” If we can honestly make that claim, we’ll truly be a family and see Dad again, never to part! “Absent from the body, present with the Lord.”

Love to you all.

Jerry